So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
