just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
