so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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