Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
