i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So much rum. So many feels.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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