so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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