Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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