This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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