i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
