i already hear my dad disowning me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
