he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Damn victory sex feels great
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
