i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
