im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
