So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
