The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize