And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
