When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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