yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I didn't notice because vodka
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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