I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
