whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
