dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
