why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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