I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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