I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
