Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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