This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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