she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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