Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
