I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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