Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
