Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
