Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
