there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
