Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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