I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
