i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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