he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
