i just had sex bonerless
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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