look no pants
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
