I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
