I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
