Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
