ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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