So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
