I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
