insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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