DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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