He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Your penis caused this!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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