I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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