so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
