Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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