my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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