How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
pop tarts are not kleenex
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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