Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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