I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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