I got chris browned last night
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
