When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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