also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
