he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
