don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Terrible idea I love it
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
