I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
