omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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