Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
