Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
