dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
