I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
