the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
