I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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