I just saw a hot homeless man
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
